(Chorus) This dirt is so heavy when you cry It all turns to mud when you cry It all turns to mud This mud is too heavy Rest in peace That's for the old Not the young Open my diary My dreams are hung Suspended in ink My life was little Lay me down to sleep Cartoons on pillows I'm not grandma on the porch Talking about the past I’m the young girl who listens An hour before class Standing in the mirror My future on the glass Why did my hopes fall Who knocked them off the wall You cut your fingers Trying to hold it together Holding down my dreams The pen’s light as a feather I heard you say it's not getting better That it's always raining And the pain is getting wetter (Chorus) This dirt is so heavy when you cry It all turns to mud when you cry It all turns to mud This mud is too heavy We were great siblings We didn't always get along But not like cats and dogs Like puppies and kittens You're wishing me back I've heard your cries But my hands are tied By a pink ribbon I can't leave you like this You can fight for my dreams But is there peace in that fist Remember to shine I don't want to be forgotten But at what cost to your mind We're the sun and the moon You and I The biggest prettiest thing in the sky Be kind to mother The one you call mom I wish I could be there I scream with more fire than a bomb It's so hot down here Sweaty palms Holding tight what you gave me Thank you for this flower This pen That hung and that kiss My favorite things in the earth Despite the pain it brings We all want to be missed But now's the time sis The living comes first (Chorus) This dirt is so heavy when you cry It all turns to mud when you cry It all turns to mud This mud is too heavy

I was at the store today Her favorite song started to play The cashier gave us the total It was her birthday I was watching a movie Until I saw that scene I heard her laugh But it wasn't seen In the eyes of a stranger I saw her gaze Someone was talking Their words spoke to me Her most used phrase I heard a phone It captured my attention It was her ringtone I opened my own To stare at her number Read our texts Her last reply Where will I see her next I've kept her dolls But mom I hate them There's something so foul They were once so bright Now they have no life (Chorus) I try to be tough Act calm and casual But doctors listen to my heart They tell me I'm fragile Who cares what they said Even though I'm afraid I put my hand on my chest Pledge allegiance to the dead Mom, her seat doesn't swing anymore Her phone doesn't ring anymore The 9pm shower doesn't sing anymore They all think I’m weak They're so cautious when they speak The ma'ams The misters She'll stop aging The broken pictures Forget being a doctor I need a shield Make me a cop I heard her through the stethoscope One day she just stopped (Chorus) I try to be tough Act calm and casual But doctors listen to my heart They tell me I'm fragile Who cares what they said Even though I'm afraid I put my hand on my chest Pledge allegiance to the dead

My princess You're obsessed The principal called You left during recess Visited her old class Even changed into her dress Sat down Her hair in your hand Getting drenched Fist clenched Thinking about that boy on the playground One day she would face him But now he's turned around You saw his name on her desk Got a little sadder Saw the heart around it Got a little madder At him The world The new girl Sweetheart we all have a clock In different time zones But it doesn't stop It continues to tick At the door they all stood Don't take me out there you tried to say But the pain was too thick (Chorus) Nothing new under the roof The usual family fights Broken plates and sharp spite You've walked a mile in those shoes That's why I'm on my knees Begging you please Leave ‘em at the door My princess You're hurting me Words may not be stones But when they hit They stick You don't mean what you say Pain knows no other way Let her go She’s not sick No more needles She's free now A bald eagle I caught you messing up her bed Claiming she slept there But you say it's lacking the pajamas Her dark hair Nothing will satisfy you Nothing can compensate You yell in your sleep With live and hate Grind teeth in your dreams Sweaty sheets Burning mom's heart when you scream (Chorus) Nothing new under the roof The usual family fights Broken plates and sharp spite You've walked a mile in those shoes That's why I'm on my knees Begging you please Leave ‘em at the door You don't talk to me Only the mirror on the wall Dead phone to your ear Her personality on call I've made appointments You no longer have a choice They said you spoke to them But it was her voice You're losing your mind And my dear That's the hardest thing to find (Chorus) Nothing new under the roof The usual family fights Broken plates and sharp spite You've walked a mile in those shoes That's why I'm on my knees Begging you please Leave ‘em at the door

(Chorus) I'll miss you a bunch It only lasted for a month Until next year Be nice to the animals They come out when it's dark I'll see you when it's clear Take me back to when Food was all over our clothes And around our mouths I want to live that again When pain wasn't anguish When we didn't have a language When the milk was warm And crying was the norm But then we got older The milk got colder And then mom always said To sleep in my own bed She used to come in Our blankets on the floor You and I asleep Ying Yang position Our connection was deep (Chorus) I'll miss you a bunch It only lasted for a month Until next year Be nice to the animals They come out when it's dark I'll see you when it's clear You wouldn't start a movie lest I was present It annoyed mom So you tried harder A bit smarter But she found the remote You were the trouble maker The one sneaking out the room Creeping by mom's door Trying not to wake her Brining back snacks A flashlight Whispers under the cover Long night Don't fall asleep before the other (Chorus) I'll miss you a bunch It only lasted for a month Until next year Be nice to the animals They come out when it's dark I'll see you when it's clear It felt good Not to say a word But have your silence understood Mom saw random hugs You knew when I needed live Closed eyes Everyone knows the meaning But you realized when I was dreaming Push and pull Let's continue our dance Mom taught us to walk But we were holding hands Where are you I feel your soul But I need so much more I need you whole I can't get over it How do you defeated a heart with a beat Mom it’s been a long walk The most painful part Is getting the shoes off my feet (Chorus) I'll miss you a bunch It only lasted for a month Until next year Be nice to the animals I love you so much

(Chorus) Mother the world is spinning I can't break it’s spell I woke up one morning Ate breakfast in heaven And then lunch in hell Something’s different tonight The moon is really bright Her dolls are always silent Now they have something to say They're looking my way I can't hear the crickets And the wind isn't blowing I get up to look in the mirror Her reflection isn't showing I lift her mattress It's lighter than usual A feeling has left me A feeling that was mutual (Chorus) Mother the world is spinning I can't break it’s spell I woke up one morning Ate breakfast in heaven And then lunch in hell I’m done pacing around I've made my decision Still in my nightgown There's no time to change I throw on shoes and a jacket The up my hair Wondering why this night's so strange I've never done this before I take a few breaths Creep past mom's door Grabbed the shovel in the garage My heart sinks beneath six feet of dirt I turn around to see my sister's mirage She fades away as I run past her Watching me run past her I run faster Until I can no longer see my home Finally I'm at her stone Sister what is this all about I look up at the sky The full moon is out (Chorus) Mother the world is spinning I can't break it’s spell I woke up one morning Ate breakfast in heaven And then lunch in hell It's been many hours into the night I'm at her open coffin It's not the position we buried her in I haven’t forgotten about yin But she's dead Her pale skin I don't understand I can't stop shaking my hand I see it out the corner of my eye My body couldn't move My soul yearned to cry I couldn't hear anything Not even my own breath I lost my senses Even the smell of death I opened my mouth to scream But it was a dud Even though I couldn't hear it Maybe someone would It's in the night air It's so heavy How far the wind can go from here If it falls It'll rock the earth The animals will disappear Someone tell me this isn't true Those aren't scratches in the coffin I'll awake in a few I'm not really here I’m not really muddy Those aren't her fingertips They're not really bloody Someone make all this good Those aren't her nails in the wood Is that what I think I see my name She put love around it Her dream in ink She didn't suffer here alone She's in bed at home I continue to say I take off my shoes Lay down with her Close my eyes All is silent Not even a cry Will they open again Mother will knock in the morning She'll come in She'll find me gone Think I’m absurd The dolls staring at our beds But they won't say a word (Chorus) Mother the world is spinning I can't break it’s spell I woke up one morning Ate breakfast in heaven And then lunch in hell